I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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