there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
