Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
