this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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