I wish I could teleport
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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