Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
