Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
