btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
