oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
