You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
