i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
