I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
