The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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