Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
