He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
