I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
