btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
