LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How external is "for external use only"?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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