I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
