wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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