You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
