oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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