I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
