You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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