cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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