They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
