he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
