just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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