Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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