I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
