I think i peed on brittanys purse
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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