dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
