My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
