i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
