my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
