dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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