i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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