I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
