When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
