Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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