The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
