come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
