i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
