now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
