planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
