Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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