no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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