idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
