i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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