First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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