I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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